I met a wonderful young woman by phone recently and during our conversation she asked me how I stood so strong during my own crisis and why my faith seemed unshakable. This is not the first time I have been asked something similar. Only recently have I mustered up the courage to tell my story. To be honest, I haven’t truly known exactly how to answer the kind of question like the one the voice on the other end of the phone asked. However, earlier that day I had been reading in the Gospels about the woman who had a horrendous bleeding issue and made her way through the crowd to get to Jesus. Her desperation gave her the courage she needed to reach out and touch the hem of his garment.
Seconds after my new friend had asked me the sobering question, I realized I did know how to answer. I responded to her question and said, “I wasn’t strong. In fact my faith was weak. The only think I was during those 32 months was desperate.” I told her that my pain had finally outweighed my fears. I became desperate for Jesus. Just like that woman centuries ago that made her way through the crowd not caring if she was seen or if she touched anyone. She knew she was considered unclean. She understood that other people did not want anything to do with her. But eventually desperation overshadows the label you wear and the truth of your condition. You get desperate! She had already done all that she could do and had spent all her money on physicians. She was out of resources and out of answers. I wonder how many things, potions, herbs, and crazy ideas she had attempted in hopes to be healed and return to a normal way of living. When desperation takes over, all those things simply do not matter.
My desperation to be made whole drove me to Jesus. My desperation gave me courage for others to see my pain. My desperation completely focused my heart on HIM and I didn’t see anyone else. It wasn’t that I didn’t care what others thought, I simply could not let anything keep me from getting to Jesus. I became focused. All that mattered was getting to the One who could make me whole and heal my broken heart and spirit.
If I had stood strong and my faith had been unshakable, would I have been desperate? Would I been willing to risk being exposed? Would I have been willing to get to Jesus no matter what and seek Him to heal me in His time and His way? Probably not. Unfortunately, I would have depended on me and my resources and my way. But pain can make one severely desperate. I am so grateful that I had the faith to be desperate for Jesus.
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